this past weekend, I headed back to my college town to attend yet another baby shower for a college friend.  I managed to squeeze in both a basketball game (win!) and football game (loss!), so that part was worth it.  The drive to NC is about five hours, on a good day, and that is sort of a little too long for my ole car.  Ergo, I reconnected with this guy via Facebook and he met me Friday afternoon for our drive down.

I am going to have to cal him D-bag.  Because while he tries very hard to cast himself as a “nice guy,” he is most certainly a douchebag.  Within 30 minutes of our road trip, D-bag was telling me about his last relationship.  He and his girlfriend had dated long-distance for a few years and broke up because she was ready to get married and he wasn’t.  So they broke up.   He is not really dating even though he is technically single. He is, and I quote, “weighing options.”   I managed to look out the window while rolling my eyes.  I inquired as to what options he was weighing, and he said, and again, I quote, “well, I have a standing offer.”   He went on to explain that while the pair had broken up, she had made it clear that if he were to change his mind and decide marriage was for him, he could simply show up at her doorstep and the door would always be open.

I am sorry, WHAT? I get girls who are willing to put up with crap from guys.  Heck, I’ve been that girl for months. Multiple months.  But here is a guy who has broken up with her twice because he was not ready to commit (yes, there was a first break-up for similar reasons) and she sends him packing – but with a prepaid ticket to come back when and if he so chooses.   I really could not believe the D-bag’s hubris.  He told me the name of the girl and I found her Facebook page and debated whether or not it was appropriate to write the following on her wall:

“love the new song! btw, i think you should write a song about how your non-boyfriend is a complete d-bag. message me for more info!”

I have resisted, however.  Haven’t ruled it out, but so far, I have resisted.  The “more info” that I reference in my faux wall post would be the fact that he was completely flirting with me on the ride down, during the various sporting events I attended via text message, and, in case I wasn’t sure he was a d-bag, pretty much the entire ride back.

The pros to this guy are that he is tall (plus), liberal (double plus), appreciates the comedy genius that is “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” and appreciates a Bojangles chicken biscuit.  While these may be the top characteristics I look for a guy, the douchebaggery is just too glaring to overlook.   AND, what may be the kicker, he wears mandals.  I think I’d rather date a Republican.

Besides who am I to interfere with what is obviously true love  – a standing offer? Be still my beating heart.

Advertisement